How To Build Awareness During Stressful Moments
What a subtle but powerful shift! Moving from “I am…” to “I am NOTICING that I feel…” transforms how we relate to our emotions, turning reactions into choices. And it often blows people's minds when I teach it in leadership trainings. So what is it about?
Often we feel tangled up in our emotions. "I am stressed," "I am frustrated," "I am overwhelmed." In the heat of the moment, it feels like these emotions ARE us. But the truth is, emotions are just one PART of us, not the whole story.
Susan David, Ph.D. David talks about it as emotional agility. Emotional agility is a skill that helps us manage emotions without being hijacked by them. Her research shows that people who practice emotional agility, who notice their emotions without letting them take over, are more resilient and perform better under stress. In mindfulness meditation, this is part of the S.T.O.P. technique to manage stress.
So imagine you are facing a critical deadline with a team that’s falling behind. If you say, "I am frustrated," it’s easy to react with tension, impatience, or even blame. But if you shift to "I am noticing that I am feeling frustrated," they create just enough space to ask: Why am I frustrated? What do I actually need right now? Perhaps it’s clearer communication or a realignment of goals.
Here are a few practical ways to build that awareness, especially during stressful moments:
Label the emotion
Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” try, “I am noticing that I am feeling anxious.” Research shows that labeling emotions can reduce their intensity by giving our brain some cognitive distance (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Observe, don’t judge
Try not to label the emotion as “bad” or “good.” Just see it for what it is. This nonjudgmental awareness allows us to understand the message behind the emotion without feeling overwhelmed by it.
Ask what is it yelling at you
Emotions are information. Ask yourself, “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” Maybe frustration is signaling a need for clearer boundaries or better communication.
Breathe and create space
Practice a simple breathing exercise, like inhaling for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for four. This helps calm the nervous system, allowing us to respond rather than react impulsively.
This is more than just a mental exercise. It’s a powerful shift in how we lead ourselves and others. By practicing awareness, we give ourselves the gift of choice. We’re no longer reacting on autopilot but responding with intention.
The next time you feel an emotion rising, remember: you are not your emotion. You are the one noticing the emotion. And in that small yet profound space, true leadership begins.